By Brian Picket, Program Coordinator and Prime for Life Instructor
As the instructor of VOA Alaska’s prevention education class, I see a couple hundred students every year with a range of experiences using substances. Most of them come to the class after being suspended for a substance-related offense. For all of them, the class is only the beginning of an important conversation that must continue with the trusted and supportive adults in their lives.
Before we dive into the tips, let’s set some expectations for ourselves as the adults in the room.
Safety first: Teens are usually willing to open up about their struggles when they feel safe and trust the person they’re talking to.
Judgment-free: Hearing about your teen’s experiences can be tough, but if you react with anger or judgment, it’s more likely they’ll keep things to themselves. They need to know it’s safe to talk to you. Above all, just be present.
Encouragement: Once trust is established, encouragement and hope are next. In class, I find that when I share my own experiences, teens are more open to hearing my suggestions for healthier and safer choices.
So now you’re thinking, “what now? How do I talk to my teen about their substance use?” Great question. You’re not the only parent or guardian wondering this. Here’s what you need to know to get the conversation started…
Be calm and curious.
When your teen makes a risky choice, try not to react with anger or ask why they did something so careless. Instead, calmly ask what led them to that decision. Anger can make them defensive, but staying calm encourages them to open up. Holding back your initial reaction helps them share more of their thoughts and feelings.
Be transparent.
In my role, I have to be careful about what I share, but nothing gets teens to listen more than when they feel your advice comes from real experience, not just a script. Before talking with your teen, think about what personal stories you’re comfortable sharing, what you learned, and how to talk about those experiences responsibly.
Be compassionate.
I sometimes hear things that I sincerely wish I hadn’t. Sometimes, teens share tough things to hear, and it can be hard not to let your facial expressions show your thoughts. But if they sense any shame or judgment from you, they’ll shut down, and you’ll lose their trust. Without trust, they won’t listen to anything else you say.
Be reassuring.
Reassurance is perhaps the most important part of having a genuine conversation with teens. They need to know they’re supported and that talking to you is safe. Many teens have told me they were scared by their experiences and wished they had felt more comfortable talking to their families. It all starts with reassuring them that speaking with you is the right and safest thing to do.
How to find additional support:
You don’t have to have these conversations alone. VOA Alaska’s Rapid Response team provides free behavioral health consultations and resource navigation. They can be reached at (907) 419-4158 during regular business hours. Or visit our Getting Started with Services page to learn about registering for services.
VOA’s Family Services team also hosts a Family Support & Engagement Group every Wednesday evening from 5:30 pm to 6:30pm at VOA Alaska’s midtown Anchorage office. The group allows parents and caregivers to connect with peers, share experiences, and learn more about support and resources available to them. It’s open to everyone and children are welcome!
